Steven Wright Quotes

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.

Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.