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Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.

P. J. O'Rourke

The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas – fascism, communism, the atomic bomb.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Atomic Bed Big Bomb Century Idea Test
Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Best Bought Guy Happen Journalism People Person Popular Thing Wonderful
Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Business Cancer Country Nice Place Show Southern Spread
I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Carpenter Make Stop Terrible Thing Wood
Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Anything Cat never Panic Wear
There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Away Men never One Sie Sooner Take Thing Women
The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
P. J. O'ROURKE

Administration Attack Country Gun Hell Nut President Religious
Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Bright Feel Good Government Look Quit Side
The budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Again Budget Control Government Much Over
Death is so important that God visited death upon his own son, thereby helping us learn right from wrong well enough that we may escape death forever and live eternally in God’s grace.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Death Enough Escape God Help Important Jeep Son Therefore Wrong
Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Again Born Cow Dairy Hunt Make Scope
Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Irritate Let More Nuisance Other President
I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I’m not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Around Brown Country Dog Everything Except House Kid Look
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Alcohol Anyway Fundamental Look Source Tets Trouble
You’re never going to read ‘The Wealth of Nations,’ and you shouldn’t, really. It’s 900 pages.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Going Hundred Nation Nine Page Read Reality Wealth
There is a simple rule here, a rule of legislation, a rule of business, a rule of life: beyond a certain point, complexity is fraud. You can apply that rule to left-wing social programs, but you can also apply that rule to credit derivatives, hedge funds, all the rest of it.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Beyond Business Certain Complexity Fraud Legislation Rule Simply Time

Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.

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Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.

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