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Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.

P. J. O'Rourke

Nobody is making Americans buy Chinese goods.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Country Good Make Nobody
The problem in Afghanistan is really not so much land as water. It’s a dry country with ample amounts of water running through it, but not to good enough effect.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Amount Ample But Country Dry Land Much Problem Run Water
The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Adept Avoid Even Learn More Young
The best and brightest don’t go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Best Bright Brightest Goldman Politics
Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that’s when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Done Endless Foreigner God Like Lousy Party Politics School Some Thing Wrong
The most brilliant satire of all time was ‘A Modest Proposal’ by Jonathan Swift. You’ll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Brilliant Everything Midwest Most Notice Proposal Satire Straightforward Time
Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Business Cancer Country Nice Place Show Southern Spread
The baby boomers’ politics have covered a wide band of silliness, from the Weather Underground to the Timothy McVeigh types. The great majority of us are well in the middle of that spectrum, but still, there’s been both leftie silliness and right-wing silliness.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Baby Band Boomer Covered Great People Silliness Type Underground
No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it’s probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Answer History Human Humor Literacy Obligation Probably Provide Under
America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being ‘hegemonistic’, of engaging in ‘unilateralism’, of behaving as if we’re the only nation on earth that counts. We are.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Accuse Act Behave Being Country Engage Unilateralism
Head lice have their own animal-rights group, or may as well. The National Pediculosis Association doesn’t exactly advocate letting lice live with dignity, but it does oppose pediculicidal treatments.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Advocate Animal Association Head Lice National Own Prediculosis
Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Black People Reformer Some Think Voter
Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Anything Cat never Panic Wear
Everybody is xenophobic to an extent.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Everybody Extent Xenophobia
There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Away Men never One Sie Sooner Take Thing Women
The importance of local governance may not be obvious to an America accustomed to treating city and state downfalls with doses of federal comeuppance. Sometimes there’s a reason for that – the Civil War. More often, all reasoning seems absent – No Child Left Behind.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Behind Civil Downfall Government Importance Local State Treat War

Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.

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Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.

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