Ending wars is very simple if you surrender.
P. J. O'ROURKEEnding wars is very simple if you surrender.
P. J. O'ROURKEThe proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
P. J. O'ROURKEEven very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
P. J. O'ROURKEA humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
P. J. O'ROURKEIf we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked.
P. J. O'ROURKEThe budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
P. J. O'ROURKEWe will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren’t there.
P. J. O'ROURKELet’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
P. J. O'ROURKEGiving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P. J. O'ROURKECleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'ROURKEEverybody is xenophobic to an extent.
P. J. O'ROURKEBy the end of the 1950s, American cars were so reliable that their reliability went without saying even in car ads. Thousands of them bear testimony to this today, still running on the roads of Cuba though fueled with nationalized Venezuelan gasoline and maintained with spit and haywire.
P. J. O'ROURKEWhen I’m in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.
P. J. O'ROURKEI rarely meet a politician that I don’t like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger.
P. J. O'ROURKEThank you, Occupy Wall Street. With your vivid example of anticapitalist squalor, I’ve been able to convince all three of my children to become investment bankers.
P. J. O'ROURKERich people don’t like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don’t go in much for revolution or terrorism, either.
P. J. O'ROURKE