Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.
P. J. O'ROURKEThe Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
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I’ve got a 1990 Porsche 911. It’s just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it.
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Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.
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The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.
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Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters.
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Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes – the whole bag of tricks.
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When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he’s saving a parking place.
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Nobody is making Americans buy Chinese goods.
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The C student starts a restaurant. The A student writes restaurant reviews.
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The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
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Kuwait City is not gorgeous, actually, but it’s got a kind of Epcot Center thing going for it. It’s not pretty. But it’s striking, I’ll give it that. It’s not as over-the-top as Abu Dhabi or Dubai. But nearly.
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Catchphrases flourish in contemporary American English.
P. J. O'ROURKE