There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees.
P. J. O'ROURKEGay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes – the whole bag of tricks.
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Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
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Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
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Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
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The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.
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Adam Smith’s huge failure was the fact that he did not foresee the industrial revolution.
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As a former writer for the ‘National Lampoon,’ I’ve probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live.
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If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat – in other words, turn you into an adult.
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There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
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Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino’s box.
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Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.
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Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
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Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless and have their minds made up about it.
P. J. O'ROURKE






