No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism.
P. J. O'ROURKEEnding wars is very simple if you surrender.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it’s simply a measurement.
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Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.
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Never fight an inanimate object.
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Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino’s box.
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No doubt the ridiculous politicians are right to like politics. They have found careers in which success can be achieved by being ridiculous. Imagine Jimmy Carter or George W. Bush rising to the top of any other profession.
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Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.
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If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it’s a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also – to do the lawn and clean the gutters.
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The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
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I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
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The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
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Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of the crockery that his wife had thrown at him for painting broken pieces of crockery instead of painting the bathroom and hall.
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Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
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Catchphrases flourish in contemporary American English.
P. J. O'ROURKE