The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
P. J. O'ROURKESupposedly, summer vacation happens because that’s when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life.
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The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you’re rich.
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Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros.
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A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
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If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked.
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Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino’s box.
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Adam Smith’s huge failure was the fact that he did not foresee the industrial revolution.
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Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.
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The world is being run by irresponsible spoiled brats.
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The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.
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The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions.
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You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
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A fundamental American question is, ‘What’s the big idea?’
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I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I’m not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses.
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There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as ‘caring’ and ‘sensitive’ because he wants to expand the government’s charitable programs is merely saying that he’s willing to try to do good with other people’s money.
P. J. O'ROURKE