The world is being run by irresponsible spoiled brats.
P. J. O'ROURKEThe mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I’m not even sure we can draw lessons from them.
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In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of ‘I hate strangers and anything that’s different.’
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Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
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Why do elites hate the poor? It’s xenophobia. They don’t know any poor people – except their off-the-books Brazilian nanny and illegal immigrant cleaning lady from Upper Revolta who don’t speak English.
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In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
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If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
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Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How’d they get so rich? Because they’re free.
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The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids.
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What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it’s so small that I have to search all my pockets to discover I’ve received a spam text.
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Just because a subject is serious doesn’t mean it doesn’t have plenty of absurdities.
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There isn’t much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.
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The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
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Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
P. J. O'ROURKE