Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P. J. O'ROURKEThere are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
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We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren’t there.
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Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees.
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The budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
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Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient.
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America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
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The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
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There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.
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Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
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The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
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Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse.
P. J. O'ROURKE