It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
LEWIS GRIZZARDLet’s all start walking more and driving less.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
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Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
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Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life’s work.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
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When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
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I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
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Today’s sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, “Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?”
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Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
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Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
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Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
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The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
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You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’
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There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
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There’s no such thing as being too Southern.
LEWIS GRIZZARD