The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
JOAN RIVERSI got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
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Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERS -
Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
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With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
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When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
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Old age is always ten years more than we are.
JOAN RIVERS