Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
JERRY SEINFELDWise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
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I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
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You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
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Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
JERRY SEINFELD