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Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?

Jerry Seinfeld

That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
JERRY SEINFELD

Breakup Build Immunity Three Two
I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
JERRY SEINFELD

Bad Movie Sarcastic Stranger
If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
JERRY SEINFELD

Airline Beach Devices
What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
JERRY SEINFELD

Body Funny Inspirational Motivational Wax
Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
JERRY SEINFELD

Average Country Funeral Mean People
There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
JERRY SEINFELD

Life More Obvious Shallow
When you’ve been in the business 5-years, as a person, it’s like you’re 5-years old – like a child. 10-years and you’re 10-years old, 20… Etcetera. That’s how I measure maturity in this industry.
JERRY SEINFELD

Child Children Maturity Old Year
I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
JERRY SEINFELD

Anything Cut Idea Time Witty
If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
JERRY SEINFELD

Bore Long Need Stories
Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
JERRY SEINFELD

Love Magazines Medium Space
Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
JERRY SEINFELD

Amazing Broke Dog Funny Inspire
I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
JERRY SEINFELD

Goal Life Marry Men New Wedding
Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
JERRY SEINFELD

Bless Life Torture
You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
JERRY SEINFELD

Give Send Sweatpant World
I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
JERRY SEINFELD

Car Crazy Years
There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
JERRY SEINFELD

People Skill Socially Two

Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?

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Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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