Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
JERRY SEINFELDSee, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
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I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
JERRY SEINFELD -
I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
JERRY SEINFELD -
The best revenge is living well.
JERRY SEINFELD -
There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
JERRY SEINFELD -
I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
JERRY SEINFELD -
I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
JERRY SEINFELD -
I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
JERRY SEINFELD -
If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
JERRY SEINFELD -
I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
JERRY SEINFELD -
See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
JERRY SEINFELD -
Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
JERRY SEINFELD -
You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
JERRY SEINFELD -
The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
JERRY SEINFELD