See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
JERRY SEINFELDSee, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
JERRY SEINFELDI always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
JERRY SEINFELDOnce you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
JERRY SEINFELDSurveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
JERRY SEINFELDMost people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
JERRY SEINFELDIf I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
JERRY SEINFELDThere’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
JERRY SEINFELDSomebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
JERRY SEINFELDI didn’t know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it’s a musical.
JERRY SEINFELDThe best revenge is living well.
JERRY SEINFELDDogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
JERRY SEINFELDThat’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
JERRY SEINFELDWise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
JERRY SEINFELDMagazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
JERRY SEINFELDYour blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
JERRY SEINFELDI love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
JERRY SEINFELD