I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
JERRY SEINFELDMagazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
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There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
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When you’ve been in the business 5-years, as a person, it’s like you’re 5-years old – like a child. 10-years and you’re 10-years old, 20… Etcetera. That’s how I measure maturity in this industry.
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
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I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
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You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
JERRY SEINFELD