You can’t do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.
H. L. MENCKENWhen somebody says it’s not about the money, it’s about the money.
More H. L. Mencken Quotes
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A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to Heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.
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The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.
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An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
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People do not expect to find chastity in a whorehouse. Why, then, do they expect to find honesty and humanity in government, a congeries of institutions whose modus operandi consists of lying, cheating, stealing, and if need be, murdering those who resist?
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Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
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After all is said and done, a hell lot of a lot more is said than done.
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Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
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For every problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
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Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.
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Free speech is too dangerous to a democracy to be permitted.
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The American people, North and South, went into the [Civil] war as citizens of their respective states, they came out as subjects … what they thus lost they have never got back.
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It doesn’t take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause.
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The ideal way to get rid of any infectious disease would be to shoot instantly every person who comes down with it.
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The best teacher is not the one who knows most but the one who is most capable of reducing knowledge to that simple compound of the obvious and wonderful.
H. L. MENCKEN