A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
ERMA BOMBECKHousework can kill you if done right.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
ERMA BOMBECK -
I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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Success is outliving your failures.
ERMA BOMBECK