Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
ERMA BOMBECKHousework can kill you if done right.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
ERMA BOMBECK