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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.

Erma Bombeck

I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
ERMA BOMBECK

Alive Existence Feeling Laughter Life Listen Myself Place Remember See Thinking Voice
A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
ERMA BOMBECK

Clothes Growth Parents Yourself
Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
ERMA BOMBECK

God Help Herself Life Maguc Pregnant Time Woman
One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
ERMA BOMBECK

Beginning Different Husband Vacation Wife
Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Funny Parents Reward Survive
There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
ERMA BOMBECK

Fun Funny Mother Water Wrong
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
ERMA BOMBECK

Bed Boredom Family Mom Myself
Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
ERMA BOMBECK

Appearance Gift Hide Price Women
Never have more children than you have car windows.
ERMA BOMBECK

Advice Children Funny Yourself
The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
ERMA BOMBECK

Advice Appearance
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
ERMA BOMBECK

End God Hope Inspirational Life Motivational Myself Success Talent
People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
ERMA BOMBECK

Doctor Funny Humor People Survive Money
I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
ERMA BOMBECK

Discover Myself Science Worry
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
ERMA BOMBECK

Family Judgement Mom Understand
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Expectation Funny Life Oneself Sarcastic
Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
ERMA BOMBECK

Care Compassion Each Other Face Human Love Nation Patience Reflection

A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.

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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.

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