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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.

Erma Bombeck

Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
ERMA BOMBECK

God Help Herself Life Maguc Pregnant Time Woman
I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
ERMA BOMBECK

Fate Food Myself Night Oneself Thinking Woman
Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
ERMA BOMBECK

Determination Difference Fame Greatness Success
A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
ERMA BOMBECK

Clothes Growth Parents Yourself
Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
ERMA BOMBECK

Age Run Time Young
A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
ERMA BOMBECK

Kindess Night Oneself Parents Price
For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
ERMA BOMBECK

Husband Marriage Myself Vacation. Children
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Life
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
ERMA BOMBECK

Family Judgement Mom Understand
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
ERMA BOMBECK

Humor Planning Surprise Wonderful
Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Ideas Light Myself Yourself
Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
ERMA BOMBECK

Act Children Forgiveness Love
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Doctor Funny Humor Inspirational Plant
I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
ERMA BOMBECK

Alive Existence Feeling Laughter Life Listen Myself Place Remember See Thinking Voice
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
ERMA BOMBECK

Clothes Live Luck Myself Society
Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
ERMA BOMBECK

Evening Failure Feeling Goodness Misery Sun

A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.

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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.

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