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I’ve learned 2 things about tv. It’s always easier with vodka & SOME OF THE BEST SINGERS ARE FROM THE PHILIPPINES

Ellen DeGeneres

I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Asparagus Funny Humor
True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Eye Hair Inspiring Related Women
I put a basketball in front of George Clooney’s door and sprayed it with supermodel perfume to lure him out.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Basketball Doors Perfume Spray
I like sitting at outdoor restaurants; it would be nice to go someplace on the street and not worry about somebody taking my picture while I’m about to take a bite of something.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Nice Pictures Somebody Worry
I like being busy and juggling a lot of things at the same time. I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Bored Busy Needs Thing
If we lose our phones, we lose our phone books. You don’t memorize numbers anymore.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Book Numbers Phones
No one is perfect, except for Penélope Cruz.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Cruz Pens Perfect
Quick decision makers are often stuck behind annoying people in line at Starbucks.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Decision Lines People
What goes up must come down, which is why I don’t wear tube tops.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Come Down Tops Tubes
I didn’t go to college at all, any college, and I’m not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I’m a huge celebrity.
ELLEN DEGENERES

College Funny Humor
I’m a godmother, that’s a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that’s cute, I taught her that.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Cute Funny Hilarious
I don’t really ever live my life in fear. I really live my life in gratitude and feeling positive for the most part.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Feelings Gratitude Life Living
When people show me clothing that seems very, very feminine, it’s hard for me to embrace that, because it just doesn’t feel like me.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Embrace Feel Feminine People
I hate having to do small talk. I’d rather talk about deep subjects. I’d rather talk about meditation, or the world, or the trees or animals, than small, inane, you know, banter.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Animal Hate Meditation
The most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity and to not give in to peer pressure to try to be something that you’re not.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Giving Graduation Integrity
All the commercials on TV today are for antidepressants, for Prozac or Paxil. And they get you right away. “Are you sad? Do you get stressed, do you have anxiety?” “Yes, I have all those things! I’m alive!”
ELLEN DEGENERES

Anxiety Funny Humor

I’ve learned 2 things about tv. It’s always easier with vodka & SOME OF THE BEST SINGERS ARE FROM THE PHILIPPINES

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I’ve learned 2 things about tv. It’s always easier with vodka & SOME OF THE BEST SINGERS ARE FROM THE PHILIPPINES

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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