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We all feel like idiots at one time or another. Even if we feel we’re cool 98 percent of the time, that 2-percent doofus is poised to take over our bodies without any warning.

Ellen DeGeneres

If we lose our phones, we lose our phone books. You don’t memorize numbers anymore.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Book Numbers Phones
Portia and I have been married for 4 years and they have been the happiest of my life. And in those 4 years, I don’t think we hurt anyone else’s marriage. I asked all of my neighbors and they say they’re fine
ELLEN DEGENERES

Gay Happiest Hurt Thinking
There are people who study germs. I believe they are called Germans
ELLEN DEGENERES

Believe Germs People
Above all, I strive to be the best I can – to be better than I was yesterday and better tomorrow.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Being Best Tomorrow Yesterday
You know, it’s hard work to write a book. I can’t tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Book Hard Women Work
Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Called Dust Something Thinking Wipe
It’s hard when paparazzi are photographing every single thing you do. I’m sure a lot of people made mistakes – they just were not documented the way they are now.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Mistakes People Photographing Way
For some reason, we can’t just enjoy somebody else’s success. Somehow, that’s going to affect us. If they have more, then I have less – and I don’t know why.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Enjoy Knowsm Sometimes Reason
Be open to learning new lessons, even if they contradict the lessons you learned yesterday.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Inspirational Lessons Yesterday
I don’t think I remember my first memory.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Firsts Memories Thinking
I get my dance moves from just moving around and listening to music and not really worrying about if it’s perfect or not.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Moving Perfect Worry
I never see the glass half empty because I drink out the bottle
ELLEN DEGENERES

Bottles Glasses Half
There’s always time to do things that you’re passionate about. … If my name helps get something out there that I believe in then I am going to produce it. … Design is really my true love.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Believe Design Names Something
Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Being Comedian Teenage Yourself
I was coming home from kindergarten – well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It’s good for a kid to know how to make gloves.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Home Humor
I didn’t go to college at all, any college, and I’m not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I’m a huge celebrity.
ELLEN DEGENERES

College Funny Humor
My dream guests are really not so much celebrities. They’re people who are actually interesting and they’re doing something interesting with their lives or had an interesting experience in some way. I really enjoy talking to regular, everyday people.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Dream Interesting Talking
So excited for the Apple Watch. For centuries, we’ve checked the time by looking at our phones. Having it on your wrist? Genius.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Phone Reality Technology
I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He’s the mayor of some small town in Texas. I could be the mayor’s wife right now.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Men School Texas
Dan: ‘Ah, well, I hope this didn’t have anything to do with me.’ Ellen: ‘No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Batman Cat Well Woman
I’m glad I’m funny. I’m glad I make people happy, because that’s very important. But I’m proud to be known as a kind person.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Compassion Kindness People
I prefer to believe that people are good and honest and respect me enough to tell me the truth. It’s not easy to find those people all the time, but they’re out there.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Believe Honest People
I know that experts say you’re more likely to get hurt crossing the street than you are flying, but that doesn’t make me any less frightened of flying. If anything, it makes me more afraid of crossing the street.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Experts Flying Frightened Hurt Less
We all feel like idiots at one time or another. Even if we feel we’re cool 98 percent of the time, that 2-percent doofus is poised to take over our bodies without any warning.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Ironic Mistake Warning
Please raise your children with love and non-judgement. Tell them everyone has the right to love who they want to love. It shouldn’t threaten you or who you are.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Children Judgement Want
You just have to keep driving down the road. It’s going to bend and curve and you’ll speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Curves Down Driving Road Speed
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Humor Inspirational

We all feel like idiots at one time or another. Even if we feel we’re cool 98 percent of the time, that 2-percent doofus is poised to take over our bodies without any warning.

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We all feel like idiots at one time or another. Even if we feel we’re cool 98 percent of the time, that 2-percent doofus is poised to take over our bodies without any warning.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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