“Constantly take inventory of what’s important to you.”

I get a little heated when I talk about the past. But I wanted to be clear – I’m not mad at anybody – not anymore.

The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It’s dismissive.

All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high.

The kid is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Money is the fuel for choices. Money gives me choices, so it’s not nothing, it’s something. But it’s not the end all, be all. There are other things in my life that I did not purchase with money that are very valuable.

Comedy is a very approval-oriented field.

People don’t know what it’s like standing up there onstage, when you have a wall of people smiling at you.

The world can’t tell you who you are. You’ve just got to figure out who you are and be there, for better or worse.

I don’t want the money. I don’t want the drama. I just want to do my show. I want to have fun again.

I love the fact that I have a show where you can run over a kid and everyone busts out laughing.

I started when I was 14. I figured out that’s what I wanted to do when I was 14. Even when I was six, I can remember people telling me, “You’re gonna be a comedian,” and all this stuff.

I got married recently. So far, so good. Less sex than I expected, but other than that, it’s a pretty good lifestyle.

I support anyone’s right to be who they want to be. My question is: to what extent do I have to participate in your self-image?

When I’m on stage, I get real happy there. Maybe that’s the only time in my adult life I feel like myself.

Comedians by and large are some of the most sensitive people on earth. Even if they’re socially callous.

You got to be careful of the company you keep.

If there is one question I dread, to which I have never been able to invent a satisfactory reply, it is the question what am I doing.

A statesman is an easy man, he tells his lies by rote. A journalist invents his lies, and rams them down your throat. So stay at home and drink your beer and let the neighbors vote.

I have oft-times been besought, by divers gentlemen, to set down on paper what I have beheld through my newly invented microscopia, but I have generally declined.

Although the devil be the father of lies, he seems, like other great inventors, to have lost much of his reputation by the continual improvements that have been made upon him.

The human mind is inspired enough when it comes to inventing horrors; it is when it tries to invent a Heaven that it shows itself cloddish.

Accurst be he that first invented war.

Imagination, not invention, is the supreme master of art as of life.

As life goes on it becomes tiring to keep up the character you invented for yourself, and so you relapse into individuality and become more like yourself everyday.