“If Michael Jordan was a damn plumber, he couldn’t get a date. Any guy got $500 million looks good.”

What does politically correct mean? If you’re fat, don’t ask me if you’re fat, because I’m gonna tell you the truth. You’re fat.

The meek may inherit the earth, but they wont get the ball from me.

If I weren’t earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming.

But when I see a story on welfare on television, they only show black people.

I don’t hate anyone, at least not for more than 48 minutes, barring overtime.

He’ll never be Jordan. This clearly takes him out of the conversation. He can win as much as he wants to.

I like to help poor people who got no chance. If rich people don’t, who will? Not other poor people, that’s for sure.

I’m just what America needs: another unemployed black man.

There’s only 5 real jobs in the world. Teacher, fireman, policeman, doctor and somebody who is in the armed service. If you don’t have one of those 5 jobs, you shouldn’t take your life that serious.

If all babies are so cute, how the hell do we have so many ugly people in the world?

I think you have an obligation to be honest.

You know what I always say about basketball whenever anybody tried to tell me the Knicks are gonna be good: They’re old. Old people don’t get healthy. They die.

You can’t start a diet in the middle of the week, that’s just stupid.

I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, ‘Yeah. I’m going to retire.’ They said, ‘Well, we’ll give you $9 million.’ And I said, ‘You got a pen on you?’

If you’re scarde to fail, you don’t deserve to be successful.

People always say turn the other cheek. If you turn the other cheek, I’m gonna hit you in the other cheek too.

Trusting no man as his friend, he could not recognize his enemy when the latter actually appeared.

I want to look otherworldly, like I was made in a factory.

I saw opportunity appear in an ugly six-spindle shake machine … and grabbed it.

His conclusion was that things were not always what they appeared to be. The cub’s fear of the unknown was an inherited distrust, and it had now been strengthened by experience. Thenceforth, in the nature of things, he would possess an abiding distrust of appearances.

Don’t loaf and invite inspiration; light out after it with a club, and if you don’t get it you will nonetheless get something that looks remarkably like it.

War is hell. Hollywood fantasizes about it and makes it look good; war sucks.

When I broke into professional hockey at 17 I was told that I was too small and too slow and I wouldn’t make the NHL. Now it’s kind of flip-flopped and the sense is I can’t be a good coach because I was a great athlete.

After traveling through fourteen foreign countries and appearing before all the royalty and nobility I have only one wish today. That is that when my eyes are closed in death that they will bury me back in that quiet little farm land where I was born.