“I can smell parents’ stomach acid right now, but they know that whole “You gotta get a job and you gotta settle for what people perceive as success” thing is really absurd.”

Fame is like a big eraser. It’s strange, now that I’m famous. In my parents’ opinion, all the shitty things – all the wreckage of my past – is erased.

If you ever see me at a boat show or at a car show, blow my head off.

We don’t really become worm food. We go to a magical place with bunnies and rainbows.”

Kurt (Cobain) was a fan of my standup, which was pretty weird.

I’m against gun control. It’s not that I like guns, it’s just that allowing Americans to have guns will increase the chances that a bunch of rednecks will blow each other’s heads off.

When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn’t get a job and I couldn’t eat meat.

How can you be a vegetarian atheist and own a gun? Well, that’s who I am.

Quit everything until you find something that you just cannot quit.

They never were given a chance to give their respects to the death of the guy they loved back in ’84.

If you see me getting smaller, I’m leaving, don’t be grieving, just gotta get away from here. If you see me getting smaller, don’t worry, and no hurry, I’ve got the right to disappear.

Let’s not forget, art can sell. You ain’t gotta front all the time on your records.

N.Y. hip-hop is ok, but we gotta become brave again; we have to be brave enough and do something new – that’s what New York is about… New.

I’ve got kids, goats. My wife always wanted a donkey, so I bought her one.

You gotta be really careful what you bite off. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. It’s a dangerous world.

You gotta keep the ball off the fat part of the bat.

You gotta watch out for the moms.

You gotta lose ’em some of the time. When you do, lose ’em right.