“When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn’t get a job and I couldn’t eat meat.”

I can smell parents’ stomach acid right now, but they know that whole “You gotta get a job and you gotta settle for what people perceive as success” thing is really absurd.

Fame is like a big eraser. It’s strange, now that I’m famous. In my parents’ opinion, all the shitty things – all the wreckage of my past – is erased.

If you ever see me at a boat show or at a car show, blow my head off.

We don’t really become worm food. We go to a magical place with bunnies and rainbows.”

Kurt (Cobain) was a fan of my standup, which was pretty weird.

I’m against gun control. It’s not that I like guns, it’s just that allowing Americans to have guns will increase the chances that a bunch of rednecks will blow each other’s heads off.

How can you be a vegetarian atheist and own a gun? Well, that’s who I am.

Quit everything until you find something that you just cannot quit.

They never were given a chance to give their respects to the death of the guy they loved back in ’84.

I’ve found that when you roll up your sleeves and join people in their daily work, they tend to open up quite a bit and let you know what they really think about the issues facing our country and what kind of job they think the government is doing.

Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don’t tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o’clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.

Some idea of inflation comes from seeing a youngster get his first job at a salary you dreamed of as the culmination of your career.

When I hit my 20s, I struggled to make it. I got married at 19, and my daughter, Je’Niece, was born a year later. I worked blue collar jobs during the day and comedy clubs at night, and I was earning about $25 a year doing stand-up.

I don’t mind being identified as any character as long as I’m doing a good job as an actor. I have done all kinds of roles – from an editor, judge, police officer, murderer to a corrupt businessman.

I ask you: turn a deaf ear to the special interests. Let politics stand down for a while. don’t waste anytime thinking about future elections until we’ve done our jobs here.

Central and western Pennsylvania has one of the best workforces in the country and this will provide job training, new skills and additional resources for those trying to find a job.