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When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn’t get a job and I couldn’t eat meat.

Bobcat Goldthwait

America’s one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Country Funny Humor
Kurt (Cobain) was a fan of my standup, which was pretty weird.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

College Sports Years
In my first stand-up acts there wasn’t material even. You know, I’d go on stage and cry and read a Dear John letter or gut fish on stage. I could be odd – and it’s what interested me as a comedian.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Comedian Goes Letters
I can smell parents’ stomach acid right now, but they know that whole “You gotta get a job and you gotta settle for what people perceive as success” thing is really absurd.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Gotta Partner Perceive Right Settle Smell
That’s human nature – we want to completely rewrite history so it can be comfortable.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Afterlife Profound Rainbow
If you ever see me at a boat show or at a car show, blow my head off.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Blow Boat Car
We don’t really become worm food. We go to a magical place with bunnies and rainbows.”
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Become Bunnles Firm Good Rainbows
When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn’t get a job and I couldn’t eat meat.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Baby Jobs Meat
Go on, try weasel, try squirrel; it tastes like chicken, it tastes just like chicken! If it tastes just like chicken, why don’t you gimme some damn chicken?
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Animal Funny Squirrels
I’m against gun control. It’s not that I like guns, it’s just that allowing Americans to have guns will increase the chances that a bunch of rednecks will blow each other’s heads off.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Blow Control Gun Increase Redneck
How can you be a vegetarian atheist and own a gun? Well, that’s who I am.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Atheist Gun Vegeterain
I lost my job, well I didn’t lose it, I know where it is, there’s just some other guy doing it now.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Guy Jobs Lost
Fame is like a big eraser. It’s strange, now that I’m famous. In my parents’ opinion, all the shitty things – all the wreckage of my past – is erased.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Kids Past Son
In fact, with Michael Jackson, I think those mourning people… They aren’t even waking Michael, they’re waking the Michael Jackson of ’84.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Giving People Thinking
Don’t hoo, hoo, hoo me. There’s a fine line between hoo, hoo, hoo and hiel, hiel, hiel.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Fine Lines
Stand-up was interesting to me at the beginning, because I was trying to parody it. My early stand-up was really Andy Kaufman-esque, and then I became the very thing I was making fun of.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Fun Interesting Trying
They never were given a chance to give their respects to the death of the guy they loved back in ’84.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Back Given Love Respect
Without getting too profound, I’m pretty sure that’s where the invention of the afterlife comes from. “
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Afterlife Get Invention Profound
Quit everything until you find something that you just cannot quit.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

Everything Quitting Something

When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn’t get a job and I couldn’t eat meat.

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When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn’t get a job and I couldn’t eat meat.

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