“A comedian’s body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny.”

I’m more married to Sandy now than when we were married with the legal document. We’re still married as parents.

I wrapped a towel around me and I opened the door, and then I splish, splash, I jumped back in the bath. Well, how was I to know there was a party going on?

The most important thing for anyone, I think, is to be engaged, whether you’re an artist or a journalist is to be engaged in the process at some level.

My philosophy is to take one day at a time. I don’t worry about the future. Tomorrow is even out of sight for me.

I don’t care if I never do another TV show in my life.

Rather, the problem is that any individual merchant’s sign won’t be noticed unless it’s bigger and more garish than those of rival merchants.

My girlfriend Rhonda, who’s now my wife, I graduated from high school, she got pregnant. My grandfather said, ‘You’ve got to do the right thing.’

I am now a turtle. Virtually everything I own is on my back and suffice it to say I am one ton lighter and therefore 2,000 pounds happier. All houses are gone.

Memories are like moonbeams; we do with them what we want.

Who am I that I have to sing under an umbrella? These people are my fans, and if they can stand in the rain to hear me sing, I can stand in the rain.

It was as though all my hostilities, anxieties, and conflicts were in one ball that was flying away into space, farther from me all the time, leaving me content with myself

Maybe I should quit the business. There’s no one left for me to love. Mama’s dead. Mr. Burns couldn’t care less about me. What’s left?

There are certain times I don’t want my picture taken. If my wife’s stepping out of a car and it looks like it’s going to come out an indecent picture, don’t I have a right to object?

I could have a roomful of awards and it wouldn’t mean beans

I’ve got a dream lover, so I don’t have to dream alone.

When you’re a young comedian the first thing you want to do is get a laugh.

You do not have to sleep with a comedian to learn what you’re doing. Male comedians will not like that advice, but it is the truth.

Ever since I was a kid, I just loved those comedians on TV who would just have fun with the language.

All of my comedian friends are some of the best joke writers in the world.

I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that’s all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.

I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.

My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.

I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He’s probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can’t say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.