“I’m more married to Sandy now than when we were married with the legal document. We’re still married as parents.”

I wrapped a towel around me and I opened the door, and then I splish, splash, I jumped back in the bath. Well, how was I to know there was a party going on?

The most important thing for anyone, I think, is to be engaged, whether you’re an artist or a journalist is to be engaged in the process at some level.

My philosophy is to take one day at a time. I don’t worry about the future. Tomorrow is even out of sight for me.

I don’t care if I never do another TV show in my life.

Rather, the problem is that any individual merchant’s sign won’t be noticed unless it’s bigger and more garish than those of rival merchants.

My girlfriend Rhonda, who’s now my wife, I graduated from high school, she got pregnant. My grandfather said, ‘You’ve got to do the right thing.’

I am now a turtle. Virtually everything I own is on my back and suffice it to say I am one ton lighter and therefore 2,000 pounds happier. All houses are gone.

Memories are like moonbeams; we do with them what we want.

Who am I that I have to sing under an umbrella? These people are my fans, and if they can stand in the rain to hear me sing, I can stand in the rain.

It was as though all my hostilities, anxieties, and conflicts were in one ball that was flying away into space, farther from me all the time, leaving me content with myself

Maybe I should quit the business. There’s no one left for me to love. Mama’s dead. Mr. Burns couldn’t care less about me. What’s left?

A comedian’s body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny.

There are certain times I don’t want my picture taken. If my wife’s stepping out of a car and it looks like it’s going to come out an indecent picture, don’t I have a right to object?

I could have a roomful of awards and it wouldn’t mean beans

I’ve got a dream lover, so I don’t have to dream alone.

It’s hard making a woman your wife when you’ve been humpin married women for most of your life

Of course I didn’t take my wife to see Rochdale as an anniversary present. It was her birthday and would I have got married during the football season? Anyway, it was Rochdale reserves.

I’m fortunate that the books sell, but even more fortunate to live in Chatham, to be very happily married and to have, on the whole, a fairly clear conscience.

Whenever I get married, it will be a Bengali wedding. If I won’t have a Bengali wedding, my mother won’t come. She has warned me. So, I am going to have a Bengali wedding for sure.

My wedding won’t be a hush-hush affair. When I get married, everyone will get to know about it… there’ll be nothing speculative about my wedding.

I did appear on other popular TV shows, like Family Affair, My Three Sons, Barnaby Jones and Little House on the Prairie.

My two elder sisters married Englishmen and went abroad.

It is a wonderful thing to get married young and become a father.