Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don’t eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?
BOB SAGETSaw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don’t eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?
BOB SAGETI have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them
BOB SAGETIt’s a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is – reading the news or speaking to people.
BOB SAGETIt’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.
BOB SAGETNothing worse than a piece of dried out fish.
BOB SAGETJon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you’re the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
BOB SAGETIt was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don’t tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o’clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
BOB SAGETIf you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.
BOB SAGETI was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn’t a hard ‘r’ cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one – she’s 12, but very sophisticated so it’s an unusual case.
BOB SAGETI think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
BOB SAGETIf you’re hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?
BOB SAGETI am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.
BOB SAGETI have a feeling I’m going to wake up one day and say ‘I can’t do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.’ I’ll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.
BOB SAGETI’m completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.
BOB SAGETMy favorite Dylan song? I think it’s ‘Just Like a Woman.’ It always makes me cry.
BOB SAGETI just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
BOB SAGET