Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can’t fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.
BOB MONKHOUSEI’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
More Bob Monkhouse Quotes
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My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
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I know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!
BOB MONKHOUSE -
Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
BOB MONKHOUSE -
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
I got my start in silent radio.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
BOB MONKHOUSE -
I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
I’d never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
My wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSE -
I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
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I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
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My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
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Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
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Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
BOB MONKHOUSE