My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
BOB MONKHOUSEI’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
More Bob Monkhouse Quotes
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When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
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Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
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A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot’s ribs and demanded: ‘Take me to the canaries’.
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I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
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I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
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I came home and found that my son was taking drugs – my very best ones too!
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My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
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I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
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Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
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Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
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My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
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Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can’t fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.
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What do gardeners do when they retire?
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They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
BOB MONKHOUSE