My wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSEWhen the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
More Bob Monkhouse Quotes
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I’d never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.
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A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
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My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
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They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.
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My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
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I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
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Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
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I got my start in silent radio.
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I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
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Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
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I’ll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven’t done something even mildly creative.
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I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
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When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
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Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
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With my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.
BOB MONKHOUSE






