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A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

Bob Monkhouse

With my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Sex Wife Years
I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Guarantee Humor
When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Boards Drawing Inventor
I’d never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny House Marriage Wife
I got my start in silent radio.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Radio
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot’s ribs and demanded: ‘Take me to the canaries’.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Cat Funny Humor
Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Silence
My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Wife
I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Sex
My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Mom Mother
I came home and found that my son was taking drugs – my very best ones too!
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Home Humor
Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Homeless Humor
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Father Funny Humor
My wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Love Mother
I saw a specialist who asked me ‘Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?’. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Phrases Saws Thinking
I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Distance Funny Sex

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

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A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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