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We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving – turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.

Bo Burnham

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
BO BURNHAM

Isquaring Numbers Thirteen
I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it’s totally not, which is why I’m trying to get away from it because it’s just easy and automatic.
BO BURNHAM

Controversial Thinking Trying
People give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.
BO BURNHAM

Geneticist Giving People Real
If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.
BO BURNHAM

Laughing Thinking Worst Time
Do you guys like impressions? “Why?” That was Socrates.
BO BURNHAM

Country Guy Impression People
If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there’s a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.
BO BURNHAM

Comedy Facts People
People do complain about the way I act on stage… They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.
BO BURNHAM

People Self Thinking
I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I… don’t.
BO BURNHAM

Belief Funny Humor
I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in – and I never went.
BO BURNHAM

College Dream Eight
I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
BO BURNHAM

Bears Beliefs Bipolar Mets
I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, ‘Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast.
BO BURNHAM

Cereal Men Remember Thinking
I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.
BO BURNHAM

Math Philosophy School
We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving – turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.
BO BURNHAM

Blue Country Moon People
I feel more like I’m doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.
BO BURNHAM

Character Doing Feel Main
I know it’s the comedian’s instinct to say, “Do it, man, nothing’s off-limits! It’s cool, bro!” I don’t know if that’s the answer for me.
BO BURNHAM

Fall Know Men Miscarriage
Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.
BO BURNHAM

Broke Celebrate Happy Thanksgiving

We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving – turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.

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We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving – turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.

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Popular Authors

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