My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.
BILLY CRYSTALI always came away thinking “I’d like to see her more,” you know? And then when [Parental Guidance] was ready to be cast, we thought – Bette [Midler]. So we called her.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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[I did impressions] of relatives because I heard so many different sounds. My dad was in the music business and of course my uncle was a giant [music producer], but my dad in particular had the house filled with these Dixieland jazz stars.
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Did you ever reach a point in your life, where you say to yourself, ‘This is the best I’m ever going to look, the best I’m ever going to feel, the best I’m ever going to do,’ and it ain’t that great?
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Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
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Change is such hard work.
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What’s so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you’re constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.
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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
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I had really good hearing and when you’re scared it gets heightened so you hear scratching noises or something.
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I never stopped believing in us and I never felt like I was wanting for anything, except for my father, and that was not going to be. I describe in the book [that] I don’t think I ever felt young again in that way.
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You have to always remember they’re not your own kids. Play with them, love them, spoil them to death – then hand them back.
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Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead.
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Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.
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I was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.
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I started examining history and then everything related to the theater. History, art, all the other studies, if I could link them into the theater, then it became alive for me. It just opened up my eyes.
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There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
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Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I’d always go off book and start improvising.
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