My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
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Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding’s a mystery to me now. You can’t go back, your life changes every day.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
BILLY CONNOLLY