I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
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I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
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didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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Don’t work out, work in.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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