I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
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Don’t work out, work in.
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American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head — supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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