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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.

Billy Connolly

The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Needs People Round Swings Thinking
When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Humor Look People Place
I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Brought Catholic Guilt Level
I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Citizens People Represented Thinking
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Afterward Comedy Looks Nuclear
The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Music Optimism People Wanter
[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arriving Kill Killing MIssed Time
Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Answers Guy Mountain
Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Constitution Happiness Revolution Unique Written
I don’t aim to offend.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Offended Target The Aim
I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Hands Issues People Pound
I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Acting Consuming Drawing Stuff
Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Book never People Trust
I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Big Fan Fans Home Rottweilers
Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Comedy Euthanasia Fame
Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Cowardice Language Politically Correct

I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.

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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.

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Popular Authors

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