If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
BILLY CONNOLLYPolitically correct is the language of cowardice.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
BILLY CONNOLLY