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May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps… sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?

Bill Hicks

I’m totally confused about what I’m going to do with my life.
BILL HICKS

Confused Going Life Totally
I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.
BILL HICKS

Bullying Creative Ideas Revolutionary
Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.
BILL HICKS

Caffeine Energize Friday Monday Productive The Figure
While I’ve found many of the religious shows I’ve viewed over the years not to be to my liking, or in line with my own beliefs, I’ve never considered it my place to exert any greater type of censorship than changing the channel, or better yet – turning off the TV completely.
BILL HICKS

Freedom Religious Speech Years
I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.
BILL HICKS

Light Marlboro Overcome The Figure Think
Are gun rights advocates arguing that roving gangs…shooting innocent bystanders constitutes a ‘well-regulated militia’?
BILL HICKS

Bystanders Gun Rights
Jesus-murdered. Martin Luther King-murdered. Gandhi-murdered. Malcolm X-murdered. Reagan-wounded.
BILL HICKS

Jesus Murder
We’ll see who believes in me now. I am the Prankster God – I am killing me!
BILL HICKS

Believe Killing Pranksters
I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor Mean
Mister, I don’t want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble, Mister.
BILL HICKS

Candy Kids Look Mister Rocks Wife
Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
BILL HICKS

Rocks Thinking World
I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching.
BILL HICKS

Country Light Thinking
We really are All One….this is the very philosophy that has kept me virtually anonymous in America for fifteen years.
BILL HICKS

America Philosophy Years
You know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial? I’m not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, so maybe that’s the connection they’re trying to make.
BILL HICKS

Connection Make Trying
You are the imagination of yourself.
BILL HICKS

Imagination Imagine Yourself
If you’re so pro-life, do me a favour: don’t lock arms and block medical clinics. If you’re so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
BILL HICKS

Block Cemeteries Funny Humor

May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps… sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?

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May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps… sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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