When you’re…stepping over a guy on the sidewalk…does it ever occur to you to think, ‘Wow. Maybe our system doesn’t work?’
BILL HICKSI believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you’ll find in this world.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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People always snap and think they’re Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they’re Buddha?
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I used to drink, I did, I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I’d get pulled over by the cops, I’d be so drunk I’d be out dancing to their lights thinking I’d made it to another club.
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I’ll tell you how to solve this abortion thing…Those unwanted babies…? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.
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The war on drugs to me is absolutely phoney, its so obviously phoney, ok? It’s a war against our civil rights, that’s all it is. They’re using it to make us afraid to go out at night, afraid of each other, so that we lock ourselves in our homes and they get suspending our rights one by one.
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Women priests. Great, great. Now there’s priests of both sexes I don’t listen to.
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I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York… Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!
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I was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted: a fireman, a policeman, a doctor – even President, it seemed. And for the first time in the history of mankind, something new, called an astronaut. But like so many kids brought up on a steady diet of Westerns.
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I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you’re all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking)
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To me pornography is…spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.
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I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching.
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I was over in Australia during Easter, which was really interesting. You know, they celebrate Easter the exact same way we do, commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children that a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night.
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Rock stars against drugs–that’s what we want, isn’t it? Government-approved rock-n-roll? Woo! We’re partying now!
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Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves…After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.
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It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer’s pussy.
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[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is…thinking, ‘This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.’
BILL HICKS







