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I don’t get along with anything, I really don’t…I’m, I’m, maybe I’m just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.

Bill Hicks

I used to drink, I did, I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I’d get pulled over by the cops, I’d be so drunk I’d be out dancing to their lights thinking I’d made it to another club.
BILL HICKS

Embarrassing Light Men Thinking
We really are All One….this is the very philosophy that has kept me virtually anonymous in America for fifteen years.
BILL HICKS

America Philosophy Years
And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said and said, “This is my creation, perfect in every way… oh, dammit I left all this pot all over the place. Now they’ll think I want them to smoke it… Now I have to create Republicans.”
BILL HICKS

Perfect Thinking Want
What before seemed a…frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.
BILL HICKS

Comic Steps Wall
I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York… Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!
BILL HICKS

Bye Country
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.
BILL HICKS

Children Funny Jobs
I go to dance clubs…about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going ‘God, what idiots!’
BILL HICKS

Apartment Clubs Idiots Years
Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here’s Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid.
BILL HICKS

Country Government Stupid
Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health-nut dude. The plot thickens.
BILL HICKS

Keith Nuts Plot Runner
I can’t watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor Ideas Revolutionary
A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.
BILL HICKS

Division God Greed Heart Intelligence
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.
BILL HICKS

Law Marijuana Mistakes Positivity
People say to me, Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves. Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
BILL HICKS

Better Esteem Feel Self War
The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.
BILL HICKS

Dream Jeans Three
I’ve been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.
BILL HICKS

Flying Southern Towns
I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
BILL HICKS

Christian Running Wish

I don’t get along with anything, I really don’t…I’m, I’m, maybe I’m just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.

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I don’t get along with anything, I really don’t…I’m, I’m, maybe I’m just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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