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And isn’t that weird? Think about this, when you’re born, you nurse on your mama.

Bill Engvall

Ladies, you wake up tomorrow and the newspaper reads Scientists have discovered a way for men to experience childbirth. That would be awesome.
BILL ENGVALL

Ladies Men Newspaper Tomorrow
You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you’d say “My Bad!”.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny House Humor
How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?
BILL ENGVALL

Fathered Hard Shivered
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations.
BILL ENGVALL

Gas Lasts Sides Stations
He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he’s like “there’s a golf shot. That’s a golf shot.” Well of course it’s a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don’t see Gretzky skating around going “there’s a hockey shot, that’s a hockey shot.”
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Golf Humor
My buddy says to me you think he’s been hunting? Nope, They’re probably giving them away with the purchase of every jeep. Here’s your sign!
BILL ENGVALL

Hope Hunt Purchase Sign
I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say ‘I’m Stupid.’ That way you wouldn’t rely on them, and you wouldn’t ask them for nothing.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Hate Nothing Stupid
I shot me a nice deer, and I hung it on the den wall in my house.
BILL ENGVALL

Deer House Nice Wall
You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don’t know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.
BILL ENGVALL

Change Handling Shape Six Week
I was always the Class Clown and over time became very good at it. I started doing comedy on stage at the Dallas Comedy Corner where I honed my skills by watching guys like Garry Shandling, Robin Williams, Jay Lena and more.
BILL ENGVALL

Class Guy Skills
Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Honey Humor
I believe that anyone who wants to wear a thong should have to go through an application process.
BILL ENGVALL

Application Believe Process Wanted
This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says “you like baseball?” I said, “Oh, man, I love baseball.” So he goes “Did you know that if Jesus had played ball, he’d have been the greatest ball player ever?” Like I’m gonna argue with that logic.
BILL ENGVALL

Baseball Dog Funny Jesus Logic
And isn’t that weird? Think about this, when you’re born, you nurse on your mama.
BILL ENGVALL

Home Mean Nursing
I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Humor Two
I believe that Lady Gaga is like a carnival ride. From a distance she looks fun, but up close, you don’t wanna climb on that.
BILL ENGVALL

Believe Distance Fun

And isn’t that weird? Think about this, when you’re born, you nurse on your mama.

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And isn’t that weird? Think about this, when you’re born, you nurse on your mama.

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