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I want you to think back to when you were a kid. Remember the day you learned you could burn ants with a magnifying glass?

Bill Engvall

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock.
BILL ENGVALL

Couple Fishing Give Up
I arrived home the other day, and it was just pouring rain out side so buy the time I get from the car to the front door I am soaked.
BILL ENGVALL

Doors Home Rain Soaked
Oh, what a great day that was! You got to be God. You decided who lived, who died.
BILL ENGVALL

Day Died God Great
If you thought Stairway to Heaven was a long song, dear god you should listen to it played on a lute.
BILL ENGVALL

Heaven Long Song
You can’t tell somebody to kiss your ass on a scooter!
BILL ENGVALL

Ass Kissing Scooter
I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Girl Humor Remember
In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.
BILL ENGVALL

Airplane Brother Country
I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, “Dude, shut up.” She hadn’t walked two feet behind us and he goes “God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?” And all I could say was “Yeah, I did!”
BILL ENGVALL

Behind Dude Saw Shut Size Things
I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Humor Two
I lifted up this big ‘ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, Hey, y’all catch all them fish? Nope – Talked ’em into giving up. Here’s your sign.
BILL ENGVALL

Giving Nope Poring Sign Talking
I know at least two people who have never been killed by hippos.
BILL ENGVALL

Hippo People Two
If your mother still drives you to school, you are not a gangster, pull your pants up!
BILL ENGVALL

Mother Pants School
A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.
BILL ENGVALL

Condom Rubber Shape
My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties…welcome to my world.
BILL ENGVALL

Repeating Stupid Ties Wife
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, Low Bridge Ahead.
BILL ENGVALL

Bridges Car Hands
Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Honey Humor

I want you to think back to when you were a kid. Remember the day you learned you could burn ants with a magnifying glass?

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I want you to think back to when you were a kid. Remember the day you learned you could burn ants with a magnifying glass?

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Popular Authors

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