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  • Bill Engvall Quote - My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.
  • Bill Engvall Quote - My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.
  • Bill Engvall Quote - My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.
  • Bill Engvall Quote - My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.
  • Bill Engvall Quote - My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.
  • Bill Engvall Quote - My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.
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My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.

Bill Engvall

More Bill Engvall Quotes

  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people’s heads.

    I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people’s heads.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I want you to think back to when you were a kid. Remember the day you learned you could burn ants with a magnifying glass?

    I want you to think back to when you were a kid. Remember the day you learned you could burn ants with a magnifying glass?

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - Because we’ve become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper. Just how rapidly are we talking? ‘Cause I don’t want to have to play Beat the Clock in the thicket. Download This Image

    Because we’ve become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper. Just how rapidly are we talking? ‘Cause I don’t want to have to play Beat the Clock in the thicket.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.

    In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I told my wife I’m afraid to go back to the doctor because I’m afraid they’re going to look at you and say: ‘ma’am, just sell him for parts. It’s like that old car that as soon as you fix one thing, something else goes out on it.

    I told my wife I’m afraid to go back to the doctor because I’m afraid they’re going to look at you and say: ‘ma’am, just sell him for parts. It’s like that old car that as soon as you fix one thing, something else goes out on it.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - The girl looked at me and said, Do you have a rabbit? I looked at here and said deadpan, Nope. Just like ’em ’cause they’re crunchy. Here’s your sign.

    The girl looked at me and said, Do you have a rabbit? I looked at here and said deadpan, Nope. Just like ’em ’cause they’re crunchy. Here’s your sign.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - Did you ever notice all the items on a honey do list are dangerous. Clean gutters, put light in shower, patch roof. It’s a honey die list.

    Did you ever notice all the items on a honey do list are dangerous. Clean gutters, put light in shower, patch roof. It’s a honey die list.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says “you like baseball?” I said, “Oh, man, I love baseball.” So he goes “Did you know that if Jesus had played ball, he’d have been the greatest ball player ever?” Like I’m gonna argue with that logic.

    This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says “you like baseball?” I said, “Oh, man, I love baseball.” So he goes “Did you know that if Jesus had played ball, he’d have been the greatest ball player ever?” Like I’m gonna argue with that logic.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I am out in public and using the phone. I am in a phone booth, got the phone in my hand and a man taps on the glass and says You using the phone? Nope, I’m superman, i am just looking for my costume. Here’s your sign!

    I am out in public and using the phone. I am in a phone booth, got the phone in my hand and a man taps on the glass and says You using the phone? Nope, I’m superman, i am just looking for my costume. Here’s your sign!

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I’ve come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid’s parent/teacher conference.

    I’ve come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid’s parent/teacher conference.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.

    I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there’s only one way to test it.

    I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there’s only one way to test it.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, “Hey… We don’t hit”. He looked at me like, “Here’s your sign, Dad”.

    Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, “Hey… We don’t hit”. He looked at me like, “Here’s your sign, Dad”.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - Just when I think the human race has been lost to the “what about me” people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.

    Just when I think the human race has been lost to the “what about me” people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - When you’re doing stand-up, you achieve an intimacy with the audience you can’t get on TV. There’s not a better feeling in the entire world then when you look out and see the audience is identifying with you.

    When you’re doing stand-up, you achieve an intimacy with the audience you can’t get on TV. There’s not a better feeling in the entire world then when you look out and see the audience is identifying with you.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.

    Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.

    BILL ENGVALL