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1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

Oh, what a great day that was! You got to be God. You decided who lived, who died.

Bill Engvall

Related Topics

DayDiedGodGreat

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  I believe pain is nature’s way of saying, ‘You’re still alive, and life sucks.’

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  You can’t even tell your mom, because she gives that face, Oh, he is that stupid.

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• 

  I go “I just want a cup of black coffee.” She goes “Do you want to try a biscotti? They’re from Italy and they’re considered a delicacy.” Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I’m from, that’s considered a mistake.

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  You can’t tell somebody to kiss your ass on a scooter!

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  I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.

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  Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations.

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  Number one: ‘You’re only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage.’ Number two: ‘We have medication for this.’ And number three: ‘It was more than an ounce and he was less than a hundred yards from the school.’

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  I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say ‘I’m Stupid.’ That way you wouldn’t rely on them, and you wouldn’t ask them for nothing.

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  I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.

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  Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, “Hey… We don’t hit”. He looked at me like, “Here’s your sign, Dad”.

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  And isn’t that weird? Think about this, when you’re born, you nurse on your mama.

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  If you thought Stairway to Heaven was a long song, dear god you should listen to it played on a lute.

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  To all companies please stop using Xmas songs and inserting your own lyrics. Write your own music. I am boycotting you until you stop.

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  It’s like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway.

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  The human brain doesn’t come with an instruction manual.

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  Martial sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail.

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