• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

Oh, what a great day that was! You got to be God. You decided who lived, who died.

Bill Engvall

Related Topics

DayDiedGodGreat

Popular Authors

Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

| Next

More Bill Engvall Quotes

• 

  I’ve come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid’s parent/teacher conference.

  BILL ENGVALL
  FunnyKidsTeacher
• 

  My wife, trying to be helpful, goes to the grocery store and buys this stuff called soy bacon. Let me tell you something: I know soy beans are good for a lot of things.

  BILL ENGVALL
  BuyRealStuffTryingWife
• 

  I believe that anyone who wants to wear a thong should have to go through an application process.

  BILL ENGVALL
  ApplicationBelieveProcessWanted
• 

  You can’t climb a tile wall.

  BILL ENGVALL
  ClimbsTilesWall
• 

  I go “I just want a cup of black coffee.” She goes “Do you want to try a biscotti? They’re from Italy and they’re considered a delicacy.” Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I’m from, that’s considered a mistake.

  BILL ENGVALL
  CoffeeEatingFunnyMistake
• 

  I walk in side and take off my jacket and my wife says Is it raining out I couldn’t help my self when I replied Nope, I had to take the gold fish for a walk. Here’s your sign!

  BILL ENGVALL
  JacketNopeRepliedSideSign
• 

  I lifted up this big ‘ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, Hey, y’all catch all them fish? Nope – Talked ’em into giving up. Here’s your sign.

  BILL ENGVALL
  GivingNopePoringSignTalking
• 

  One day I locked my keys in my car and as I was standing there with a hanger halfway through the top of my window, a guy walks up and says, Lock yer keys in the car? Without missin’ a beat I said, Nope, Just washed it and was hanging it up to dry. Here’s your sign.

  BILL ENGVALL
  CarGuyKeys
• 

  The older you get, the more people think they have to listen to you.

  BILL ENGVALL
  OlderPeopleThinking
• 

  A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.

  BILL ENGVALL
  CondomRubberShape
• 

  So I sat there for a second, and then I said “did you know that if Babe Ruth had been the Messiah, the Catholics would have beer and hot dogs at Communion?” He left.

  BILL ENGVALL
  CatholicsCommunionLeftSecond
• 

  If you thought Stairway to Heaven was a long song, dear god you should listen to it played on a lute.

  BILL ENGVALL
  HeavenLongSong
• 

  I believe that Lady Gaga is like a carnival ride. From a distance she looks fun, but up close, you don’t wanna climb on that.

  BILL ENGVALL
  BelieveDistanceFun
• 

  I shot me a nice deer, and I hung it on the den wall in my house.

  BILL ENGVALL
  DeerHouseNiceWall
• 

  Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.

  BILL ENGVALL
  HamburgersKetchupShirts
• 

  I want you to think back to when you were a kid. Remember the day you learned you could burn ants with a magnifying glass?

  BILL ENGVALL
  ClassGodKidsMagnifyingMomStupid