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1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

Oh, what a great day that was! You got to be God. You decided who lived, who died.

Bill Engvall

Related Topics

DayDiedGodGreat

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More Bill Engvall Quotes

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  My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.

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• 

  Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations.

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  I arrived home the other day, and it was just pouring rain out side so buy the time I get from the car to the front door I am soaked.

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  I lifted up this big ‘ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, Hey, y’all catch all them fish? Nope – Talked ’em into giving up. Here’s your sign.

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  A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, Low Bridge Ahead.

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  I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, “Dude, shut up.” She hadn’t walked two feet behind us and he goes “God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?” And all I could say was “Yeah, I did!”

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  Just when I think the human race has been lost to the “what about me” people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.

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• 

  To all companies please stop using Xmas songs and inserting your own lyrics. Write your own music. I am boycotting you until you stop.

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• 

  I want you to think back to when you were a kid. Remember the day you learned you could burn ants with a magnifying glass?

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• 

  I shot me a nice deer, and I hung it on the den wall in my house.

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• 

  I think my wife puts up with me ’cause I try. I think that’s all any guy can do is just try. That’s right! ‘Cause we ain’t never gunna get it. ‘Cause as soon as we get close you ladies change it. It’s like this memo goes out, ‘they’re getting close, change it, change it!’

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  Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.

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  You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you’d say “My Bad!”.

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• 

  My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties…welcome to my world.

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• 

  I was a dork hunter. That’s hard to do. I fell out of a tree.

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• 

  You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don’t know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.

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