“Comedy is allied to justice.”

Look at the orators in our republics; as long as they are poor, both state and people can only praise their uprightness; but once they are fattened on the public funds, they conceive a hatred for justice, plan intrigues against the people and attack the democracy.

Old age is second childhood.

You can’t have anything else to say: you’ve poured out every drop of what you know.

Ignorance can be cured, but stupidity is forever.

One must not try to trick misfortune, but resign oneself to it with good grace.

The wise learn many things from their enemies.

To invoke solely the weaker arguments and yet triumph is an art worth more than a hundred thousand drachmae.

It often happens that less depends upon the valor of an army than the skill of the leader.

Poverty, the most fearful monster that ever drew breath.

Under every stone lurks a politician.

A man may learn wisdom even from a foe.

Comedy too can sometimes discern what is right. I shall not please, but I shall say what is true.

If a man owes me money, I never seem to forget. But if I do the owing, I somehow never remember.

Mix and knead together all the state business as you do for your sausages. To win the people, always cook them some savory that pleases them.

Surely you do not believe in the gods. What’s your argument? Where’s your proof?

The truth is forced upon us, very quickly, by a foe.

I consider myself more of a visual comedian than a physical one.

A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.

Anything that is not funny at a certain point will be funny.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm. I really hope no one misinterprets this quote as being about masturbation.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.

I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.