10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?
ALAN CORENTelevision is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
More Alan Coren Quotes
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I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
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Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.
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Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
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Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic… being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated – south from Sweden in about 500 BC.
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Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.
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Why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.
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All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
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English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
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The word “souvenir” has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless.
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The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren’t called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)
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Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a “Wirtschaftswunder,” which can be briefly translated as “The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.”
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The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.
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Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.
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It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
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