Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
ALAN CORENThere are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?
More Alan Coren Quotes
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It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
ALAN COREN -
A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.
ALAN COREN -
Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
ALAN COREN -
All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
ALAN COREN -
Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a “Wirtschaftswunder,” which can be briefly translated as “The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.”
ALAN COREN -
There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?
ALAN COREN -
Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
ALAN COREN -
The word “souvenir” has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless.
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The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.
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I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
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Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.
ALAN COREN -
English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
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Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
ALAN COREN -
To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.
ALAN COREN