Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
ALAN CORENDemocracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
More Alan Coren Quotes
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Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic… being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated – south from Sweden in about 500 BC.
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Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren’t called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)
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All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
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It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
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Disneyworld… is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin’s, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan’s.
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Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.
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But even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
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Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
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Why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.
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The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.
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A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.
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I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
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To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.
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Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.
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