Had your forefathers, Wigglesworth, been as stupid as you are, the human race would never have succeeded in procreating itself.
ALAN BENNETTLife is like a box of sardines and we are all looking for the key.
More Alan Bennett Quotes
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Put him in a nice detached villa and he’d never have written a word.
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We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn’t obey the rules.
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His writing is that of someone whose whole life was spent in apartments, with lifts, stairwells, muffled voices behind closed doors, and sounds through walls.
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If I had to sum up my work, I suppose that’s it really: I’m taking the pith out of reality.
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History is a commentary on the various and continuing incapabilities of men. What is history? History is women following behind with the bucket.
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I wish they were like the White Rhinosix of them left in the Serengeti National Park, and all males.
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Nature played a cruel trick on her by giving her a waxed mustache.
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Have you ever thought, headmaster, that your standards might perhaps be a little out of date?
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In the way of circumstances and background to transcend I had everything an artist could possibly want. It was practically a blueprint.
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Clichés can be quite fun. That’s how they got to be clichés.
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Imagine that. Per person. This means that if the time scale is diminished in proportion to that of space it would be quite possible for the whole story of Greece and Rome to be played out between farts.
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Illogically, I tend to assume that if you ( Philip Larkin) dream of caning schoolgirls bottoms, it disqualifies you from dismissing half the nation as work-shy.
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[talking about the Holocaust] ‘But to put something in context is a step towards saying it can be understood and that it can be explained.
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You must take people as they come. Remember, too that though you will generally know more about the condition than the patient, it is the patient who has the condition and this if nothing else bestows on him or her a kind of wisdom.
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Deluded liberal that I am, I persist in thinking that those with a streak of sexual unorthodoxy ought to be more tolerant of their fellows than those who lead an entirely godly, righteous and sober life.
ALAN BENNETT