The attentions of others matter to us because we are afflicted by a congenital uncertainty as to our own value, as a result of which affliction we tend to allow others’ appraisals to play a determining role in how we see ourselves. Our sense of identity is held captive by the judgements of those we live among.
ALAIN DE BOTTONOne kind of good book should leave you asking: how did the author know that about me?
More Alain de Botton Quotes
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True love is a lack of desire to check one’s smartphone in another’s presence.
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A ‘good job’ can be both practically attractive while still not good enough to devote your entire life to.
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Wealth is not an absolute. It is relative to desire. Every time we yearn for something we cannot afford, we grow poorer, whatever our resources. And every time we feel satisfied with what we have, we can be counted as rich, however little we may actually possess.
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Sweetness is the opposite of machismo, which is everywhere-and I really don’t get on with machismo. I’m interested in sensitivity, and weakness, and fear, and anxiety, because I think that, at the end of the day, behind our masks, that’s what we are.
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When I see someone like Richard Dawkins, I see my father. I grew up with that. I’m basically the child of Richard Dawkins.
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It is perhaps sad books that best console us when we are sad.
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Every time we feel satisfied with what we have, we can be counted as rich, however little we may actually possess.
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Which seems no less relevant in the secular realm than in the religious one-that we have within us a precious, childlike, vulnerable core which we should nourish and nurture on its turbulent journey through life.
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Only as we mature does affection begin to depend on achievement.
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The mind does most of its best thinking when we aren’t there. The answers are there in the morning.
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In the oasis complex, the thirsty man images he sees water, palm trees, and shade not because he has evidence for the belief, but because he has a need for it. Desperate needs bring about a hallucination of their solution: thirst hallucinates water.
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Every realistic picture represents a choice as to which features of reality should be given prominence; no painting ever captures the whole.
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Not everyone is worth listening to.
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Work is most fulfilling when you’re at the comfortable, exciting edge of not quite knowing what you are doing.
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One of the better guarantors of ending up in a good relationship: an advanced capacity to be alone.
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There’s a whole category of people who miss out by not allowing themselves to be weird enough.
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Insomnia is a glamorous term for thoughts you forgot to have in the day.
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To be shown love is to feel ourselves the object of concern: our presence is noted, our name is registered, our views are listened to, our failings are treated with indulgence and our needs are ministered to. And under such care, we flourish.
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When Proust urges us to evaluate the world properly, he repeatedly reminds us of the value of modest scenes.
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One’s doing well if age improves even slightly one’s capacity to hold on to that vital truism: “This too shall pass.
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The greatest difficulty of Travel is that one is forced to take oneself along.
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Though it may feel otherwise, enjoying life is no more dangerous than apprehending it with continuous anxiety and gloom.
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We will cease to be angry once we cease to be so hopeful.
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Unnatural to expect that learning to be happy should be any easier than, say, learning to play the violin or require any less practice.
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The activities of drawing, eating and drinking, all involve assimilations by the self of desirable elements from the world, a transfer of goodness from without to within.
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Most good thinking has its origin in fear.
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