I’d rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend one more minute with you.
AL YANKOVICThere aren’t that many superstars around anymore.
More Al Yankovic Quotes
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A lot of rap songs don’t usually have a lot of melody per se.
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No Joni Mitchell 8 track tapes in my car.
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There’s enough people that do unfunny music. I’ll leave the serious stuff to Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline.
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Sometimes I get, “Have you ever thought about doing real music?” I like to think the music I do is real, it just happens to be funny.
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Somebody will come up to me after a show and have me sign their arm, and the next time I see them my autograph has been permanently inscribed on their arm.
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I did have a child, and I was reading a lot of picture books to her, but at the same time writing a children’s book was something that I’d been wanting to do for many years, pretty much since the start of my career.
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What kind of morons do you have working at newspapers in Austin that would base an entire review of an artist’s performance on whether or not they had a good seat?
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Ever since the day you left me, I’ve been so miserable, my dear. I feel almost as bad as I did when you were still here.
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You can try on our suede underwear if you choose. Do what you want, but don’t step on my blue suede shoes.
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I was able to come up with a couple articles for the magazine, I was able to solicit help from a bunch of my friends to contribute pieces: Patton Oswalt, Seth Green, Emo Phillips, Chris Hardwick, John Hodgman, and more.
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So that’s why one of my rules of parody writing is that it’s gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.
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That’s something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.
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I have a long-standing history of respecting artists’ wishes.
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If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.
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I do original songs in the style of other artists, where I try to learn all their musical idiosyncrasies and try to do something that sounds like them and yet is a bit more sick and twisted.
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