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I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.

Aisha Tyler

I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.
AISHA TYLER

Country Dehydrate Grade Green Most Seventh Smelling Spent Summer
Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter.
AISHA TYLER

Battle Easy Fought Goal Hard Motivational Sacrifice Worth
I really do know football.
AISHA TYLER

Do Football Know Really
I’ve always been a gamer, and I had a period where I was gaming at a really hardcore level.
AISHA TYLER

Always Game Gamer Hardcore Level Period
I want to point out, that this is not my fault that everyone’s afraid of me, because I did not kill a couple people the other day.
AISHA TYLER

Afraid Couple Day Everyone Fault Kill Other People Point Want
So much of a stand-up’s life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.
AISHA TYLER

Doing Funny Life Live Minute Much Quick Radio Sou Spot Stand Stranger Surgical Three
I’m the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.
AISHA TYLER

Friend Hope Kindest Little Own Probably Supportive
I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.
AISHA TYLER

Country Fiction Fit Love Need Order Raise Science Standard Vegetarian
Marriage isn’t a carnival ride.
AISHA TYLER

Carnival Marriage Ride
I was not one of those people who wanted to be a comedian when I was growing up. I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living.
AISHA TYLER

College Comedian Growing Kid Loving People Up Wanted
Omnipresence can be a good or bad thing, I suppose. I don’t want to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I’m super-grateful.
AISHA TYLER

Bad Good Grateful Omnipresence Suppose Thing Thinking Want
I was really unhappy. I had a great job that I should have loved, yet I was miserable. I slowly realized that was because I wasn’t performing. So I just tried stand-up and fell in love with it after one performance.
AISHA TYLER

Fell Job Love Miserable One Performing Realize Slowly Stand Unhappy
I have one girlfriend who is dating right now – she’s divorced – and she’s on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that’s not a real game, but it’s my favorite thing to do.
AISHA TYLER

Dating Divorce Favorite Game Girlfriend Now Play Real Right Tinder
I am absolutely a Giants fan and I’m a Dynasty baby so I was a 49ers fan for a long time.
AISHA TYLER

Absolutely Baby Dynasty Fan Giant Long Time
I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.
AISHA TYLER

Actually Almost Down Lying More Myself Satisfying
I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.
AISHA TYLER

Different Good Grown Spoken Time Trying Up Want Way

I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.

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I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.

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Popular Authors

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