I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.
AISHA TYLERI do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.
More Aisha Tyler Quotes
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Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter.
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I really do know football.
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I’ve always been a gamer, and I had a period where I was gaming at a really hardcore level.
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I want to point out, that this is not my fault that everyone’s afraid of me, because I did not kill a couple people the other day.
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So much of a stand-up’s life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.
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I’m the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.
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I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.
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Marriage isn’t a carnival ride.
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I was not one of those people who wanted to be a comedian when I was growing up. I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living.
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Omnipresence can be a good or bad thing, I suppose. I don’t want to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I’m super-grateful.
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I was really unhappy. I had a great job that I should have loved, yet I was miserable. I slowly realized that was because I wasn’t performing. So I just tried stand-up and fell in love with it after one performance.
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I have one girlfriend who is dating right now – she’s divorced – and she’s on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that’s not a real game, but it’s my favorite thing to do.
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I am absolutely a Giants fan and I’m a Dynasty baby so I was a 49ers fan for a long time.
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I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.
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I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.
AISHA TYLER